Mental Wellness

My Springtime Miscarriage

The start of Spring kind of hit me like a rock.

When I walked outside for a windy afternoon of flying kites – it hit me harder than I thought it would.

I was not prepared for the view of the tulips. Full bloom in their pink, red and yellow scattered on the side of our yard.

Last year, when I stepped outside on an identical day to play with my kids – I had just miscarried baby #3.

I saw the irony in the life that Springtime brings, as on the first day of Spring – my baby couldn’t manage a heartbeat.

As I let my heart drop and my eyes fill with tears – I turned to look at my boys.

The life, the rich life, in their laughter and wide eyes looking up at their homemade kites.

It’s so easy to get lost in grief and much harder to live in gratitude.

In this moment, I turned to gratitude – gratitude for their lives, their smiles, laughter and joy.

I didn’t have the third child I had been hoping for – the child I had dreamt up a whole life for before it could even sustain life.

But I did have these two. These two greatest blessings of my life.

I stood up from the rocks by the tulips – to join the boys in their running and ridiculous Charlie Brown-esq kite flying.

And I was so thankful.

1 in 4 women experience pregnancy loss. You’re not alone. If you have experienced pregnancy loss, please share your story. How did you/are you dealing with pregnancy loss?

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