Family

No One Told Me About the Fear

January 8, 2019

I’m on baby number three and it is amazing. I’ve been able to just love her and bond with her — without paralyzing fear.

You know, the way we imagine motherhood will be?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as helicopter as they come. But this time, any concerns I have about our little girl are not unwarranted life or death concerns. This time when I’m concerned about her breathing or her outfit or the straps in her carsear – I don’t feel the crushing weight of fear. I take action, find a solution, move on.

With my first, I was above and beyond prepared. I read all the books. And I mean ALL the books.

In fact, as I was talking to one friend I said “I was reading…”

She cut me off and said “Where in the world are you finding time to read EVERYTHING.”

I read about sleep schedules, nursing, sign language, activities for babies and what to expect. I read how tos and – I even read a book written BY moms FOR moms that was supposed to include all the stuff only moms talk about.

But no one, not a single soul – in all that unwarranted personal advice and countless hours of reading – warned me the fear would be paralyzing.

No one warned me I wouldn’t “sleep when the baby sleeps” because I’d be hovering above him making sure his chest would rise and fall. 

No one told me how all this love would be squashed by fear.

I knew cutsie Pinterest sayings like “my hearts walking outside of my body,” but no one explained how earth shattering that actually is.

No one revealed how to love so deeply, means your fear is just as deep.

For new mamas, I want you to know – it is scary. It’s normal to feel totally over your head afraid. It’s okay to cry only for the reason that you love someone you don’t know how to protect because it feels like the so-called “mom-instinct” will never show up.

It’s okay.

Breathe.

Cry.

Believe your baby will be okay. 

I know babies are not always okay, but for this day – your baby is okay. You are okay. 

Take this moment to love on that baby, snuggle and love some more.

Your fear will not change a thing. Be constructive about concerns and worries. Get answers from doctors.

BUT do not let fear live untamed in your life, stealing your love, joy and chance to enjoy that tiny little bundle.

Pictures by Serendipity Photography

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